At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
