We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
