Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
