3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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