haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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