My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i need some magic done to my vagina
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
