why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
