her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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