So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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