Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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