They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
