he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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