you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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