Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
