this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
