Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
