do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
