I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
