i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
