nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
