i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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