Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
