So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
