$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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