so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
