So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
