Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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