I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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