he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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