Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
wow bdsm is so cute
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
