Me. At least after what I've been through.
The best revenge is premature balding
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
