hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
