I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
