He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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