Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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