I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i out mim tonsoeep
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