If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
