I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
