Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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