Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
