i will never coherently bang her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
