Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
