we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
