so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
