you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
