is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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