There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
