I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
