just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
