I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
