Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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