I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
