How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
